Work

I've been having all these struggling throughts.  I really love where I work.  I guess it's because I've experienced a really bad job and now that I have this one, it's like the world's best job I could ever have.  Afterall, it's only an admin position.  Not challenging at all.  I just love the stability and easy work though.  Especially right now I have wedding planning on my plate. 

My manager loves to compliment my work.  Every few weeks she would quietly tell me that she's very happy with my performance and continues to give me raises as a reward.  Wow, verbal compliment and financial support.  Co-workers are nice and not a threat to me at all.  I honestly don't think any one of them are at my level.  Intelligence and education wise.  I do see that I excel a lot faster than the rest of them and my manager gives me more responsibilities every now and then.  And you know what more duties mean, it means another raise!! *woohoo*

I guess my worker B. knows about this formula where increase in duties = increase in paycheque.  So last Friday, after our July month-end closed.  B. offered to help out more on the month-end accrual reports next month.  My manager, D. actually offered it to me since I was already doing other types of month-end accrual reports and have been doing so well.  But B. just had to stick her head in and ask for it since it's money that's involved and also the proof of who's more capable of handling more complicated tasks.  Obviously my manager refused and gave her a big lecture on how she's very behind with her own work and she should really focus on catching up before asking for new tasks.  She then tells everyone in the department that they should work smart like I do (yay she's prasing me!).  Everyone in the department used to hate my position before I started with the company.  My position used to be the one that was always behind and stressed out to a point that they'll put out their hair every month-end.  But my manager pointed out that ever since I took over the position, the work was so up to date that I made the position look so easy in others eyes.  In a very serious tone, she bluntly said, "You guys must think Dorina's job is very easy.  Don't you remember back before she first started, none of you wanted to take over that desk.  Now she made it so easy.  And she picked up even more duties over the months.  It's all about working smart and not wasting your time.  Work is easy if you're smart enough to make it easy."

Whoa.  That totally made me sound like a Goddess and those other girls are dumbasses.  I feel very proud and happy about her compliments.  At the same time, I feel a bit embarassed because I didn't know how to react, what kind of facial expression should I put on my face without looking cocky?  I just remained silent and expressionless.  My usual trick to get out of sticky situtaions.

Yes it made me feel very good about myself that I started thinking about studying hard in school again.  I have intelligence, patience, and speed.  I shouldn't waste my potential on a low end position for the rest of my life.  I should be doing complicated financial analysis and system reporting.  Not that my current job sucks.  But I just started picturing myself working for the government and analyzing complicated data that only I understand.........

Yeah, my head got really big.  It's good to have goals.  But after waking up from those fantasies, I realized that maybe I shouldn't let those compliments encourage me too much.  I should be happy that I am good at what I do and where I work.  That doesn't neccessarily mean I'll be just as smart and perform just as good elsewhere.  I should know that I belong here and this is where I can find appreciation and recognition.  If I take another risk again like last year when I gave up CFC, I might regret again for the second time.

But am I really going to let myself stay in this position forever, knowing that I can and deserve to achieve higher....?

I FEEL SO CRAPPY, LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT...

i think i'm p m s ingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. i think.

I've got a raise again!!

Yes, the title says it all.  This is my second raise since I started! omg~!#$%^& I'm so excited that I internally screamed when she told me.  My manager, Doreen, had been very very happy with my performance and I've picked up a few more responsiblities that the girl prior to me did not work on.  So basically I've upgraded the position.  Woohoo!!  She said there will be another one coming in December.  That December one is an annual raise that the company gives to practically everyone, but I totally worked for the other 2 raises okay.  Anyway, it's still worth celebrating for.  That's like a raise of $$$5-6000 more from the salary I first started (within one year)!  Isn't it worth celebrating?

Hehe, let's see, how should I celebrate this.  um....laugh inside. Loudly.  Everyday.  Inside only.  HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. *time to dance*

Oh I'm so retarded.  Posting on a weekend night.  at 1:30 in the morning.  Duh I'm bored.

Random Thoughts...

I feel like I'm running out of time.  There's so much that I want but so little time to achieve.  I want my designation before 30 (I realized it's quite impossible if I don't give up anything), have kids before 30, have to get married before having kids, maintain my current social life, spend more time with family, and probably go back to school for my masters in Psychology when my kids are older.  I only have 5 years to get so much done...I want it done without neglecting Hon, my family, and friends.  That means, I need to have a completely packed schedule and probably not have much "me" time.  I found a new strategy, that is, to study with my friends.  That way, I can get my homework done AND spend time chilling with them, AND the bonus is, experience some supernatural phenomenon to spice up our lives. 

Talking about that, I just gotta share this little story.  So last week we went to study at the UBC Engineering building.  It's open 24 hours but only engineers have electronic access to the building and study rooms.  It's a pretty old building, must be at least 50 years old if not older.  While we were going up the elevator, Ricco warned us that we might get "stuck" inside cuz he had heard of a lot of weird stories about this building at night.  Well, thank god we didnt get stuck.  I dont' want to die so young.  While we were studying inside one of the study rooms on the 4th floor, the door and door handle started shaking, as if someone from the outside was trying to turn the handle to open the door.  But since it requires electronic access to unlock it, it won't open.  I was sitting right next to the door, the door has a huge window so I looked out....and no one was there!!  But the stupid door kept trying to force itself open.  Omg.  How freaky.  Thank god a few of us were in the room with me so it was more exciting than creepy.  We continued to study after looking at each other and joked about this scary phenomenon.

And I thought, IF it was really a ghost trying to scare us.  It must've been a really really weak ghost since it can't bypass the electronic lock...

This 2008

This year seems to be a very eventful year so far.  A few friends are getting married, I have pulled my acts together and decided to go for my CGA designation, and I've decided to really shed the happy fat that Hon gave me.  hehe.

Marriage.  It's such an exciting period in a girl's life, especially when you're marrying a man that you love.  I'm happy for my friends that are getting married this year, it's a good year. hahaha.  Why is it a good year?  Um... cuz I said so!  But it's not a good year for my wallet!

CGA.  Well, the thing is, I realized that I am more than where I am right now.  And I am more than the ones supposedly at my level of status.  Don't get me wrong.  I absolutely LOVE my current job.  I've never been happier at work than now.  But, I just feel that everyone always need a back up.  Anything can happen.  A good boss and good department won'tlast forever.  Things change, things happen, and you won't have any control over it.  And you'll end up being the victim.  Education, experience, and true intelligence are my weapons on rainy days.  If anything were to happen (touch wood), at least I have the education along with my rich experience and intelligence. I'm just missing the education.  My bachelor degree isn't enough to get me too far nowadays.  I think I am more than where I am.  So I need to prove it on paper that I have the intelligence to get that second piece of super expensive paper and hopefully it will lead me to a status that matches my intelligence, where I truly belong, in the current company.  If that was too confusing, then you don't have the intelligence to understand me!

Fat.  Yes yes yes, I said that last year and ended up gaining another 5 lbs of happy fat.  So my total is 15lbs of extra meat on my body since I met Hon.  omg.  I've been jogging every night like I used to.  I think it's working...